Lilly, why do you read that tabloid trash? They're nothing but lié...
(clears throat) ''Hannah Montana looks fabulous.''
...with the occasional glimmer of truth.
You didn't let me finish. ''Too bad she's really a guy.''
(gasps) You have got to be kidding.
l can't believe you didn't tell me.
You've slept over at my house. (gasps) You've borrowed my bras!
Hey, l look good in a mustache.
Oh, yeah, l would definitely date me.
Me too.
(both) Awkward.
Uh-oh.
Let me gués. lt's another article about Jake Ryan, isn't it?
lt says that his movie is done and he's back in town for the premiere.
(scoffs) Big whoop.
l don't need some guy who kissé me
knowing he's about to leave for six months to do some stupid movie.
Jake could fall out of the sky wearing a tuxedo and l wouldn't care.
Uh, Miley?
l'm serious.
He could come down, giving me a dozen rosé,
and it would make no difference. Zero, zilch, el zippo.
What if he got down on his kneé and begged you to take him back?
Like that's ever gonna happen.
Sorry it's only one rose,
but l did bring chocolaté.
Not just chocolaté, chocolaté from the sky.
Jake, l don't know what to say,
so l gués l'll just show you how l feel.
(crowd) Ohh!
Thank you.
# Come on!
# You get the limo out front
# Hottét stylé, every shoe every color
# Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun
# lt's really you but no one ever discovers
# Who would have thought that a girl like me
# Would double as a superstar
# You get the bét of both worlds
# Chill it out, take it slow
# Then you rock out the show
# You get the bét of both worlds
# Mix it all together
# And you know that it's the bét of both worlds #
(chuckling)
Thanks.
Gee, another basket from Jake.
What a surprise.
l agree, Mile.
Either date this boy Jake or tell him to send a workout tape,
'cause l'm about one muffin away from my easy-fit jeans.
l got two words for ya: Willpower.
l got two words for you:
Mini jellié.
Mmm. l am so weak.
Look who was waiting in the driveway.
You can almost hear him say,
(deep voice) ''Miley, take me back. Gimme one more chance.''
- Oh, l'll give you something. - (gasps)
Not the chocolate chip oné.
Use the bran. Nobody eats those.
Oh, my dad doé. He calls them ''nature's broom.''
Ooh, peanut butter balls.
Hello? Guys, this jerk hurt me
and he's not gonna win me back with peanut butter balls.
OK, you're right, darling. l'm getting rid of everything.
Ooh, and l'll start by grilling up
thée perfectly marbled T-boné.
- Medium rare, please. - Got it.
Come on, Miley, the poor guy's done just about everything a girl can want.
- What more could he do? - (rattling)
Yeah, Miley. What else can l do?
You're never gonna stop, are you?
Miley, you've dumped stuff on me and you've yelled at me.
The one thing you haven't done is tell me you don't care about me.
Tell me that, and l'll go away.
No! You can't!
He's so in your... l mean, come on!
l know l kissed you and then left, and l'm sorry.
But l never stopped thinking about you.
(gasps) He never stopped!
And now... l mean, come on!
- l'll just go help with the steaks. - You do that.
Come on, Jakers.
OK.
l never stopped thinking about you either.
- Then you'll give me another chance? - How about we start with tonight.
Ooh. Uh...
(metal rattling)
Slight problem. Tonight's my movie premiere.
Oh, that's OK. l mean, it's a little more public than l wanted...
No, no, no. Uh, see, the thing is...
You already have a date, don't you?
Oh, it's not a real date, OK?
(stammers) lt's with my co-star, OK?
We just have to pretend we're dating for the prés.
A kiss or two, but it doén't mean anything.
Nothing you say ever means anything.
You're the same jerk you were six months ago,
except now, you're a jerk with a headache.
l don't have a...
- Oh, no. - Oh, yé.
(sighs) l'm so hot.
Yé, you are.
Could l get a bottled water?
Yé, you are.
Can. l mean, yé, you can.
Oh, sorry. Rico just tripled his price to three bucks.
But that's all l have,
and as l said before l'm so, so hot.
Don't go anywhere.
Whoo! OK.
l've taken care of me. Now you.
You can have the employee discount.
(zipping)
(wild laugh)
- You're fired! - What are you talking about?
Nice work, Natasha. Go buy yourself something pretty.
No, no, wait! Come back!
l'm willing to look past this and start anew.
- You ripped me off! - Me?
You're the one ripping people off.
Three bucks for a bottle of water? That's stealing.
That's America.
You want to give stuff away? Open your own shack.
You can call it lHOF.
lnternational House of Failure.
Oh, well, maybe l will.
But instead l'll call it lnternational House of...
...Reasonably-Priced Water
and Frié and Stuff.
lHORPWAFUS.
Yeah, yeah! Hear the name and tremble, Rico.
lHORPWAFUS.
l'm Brian Winters and the stars are all out
for the premiere of Teen Gladiators and the Sword of Fire.
And here are the Teen Gladiators, Jake Ryan and Marissa Hughé,
coming over to talk to me, Brian Winters.
So, Jake, l don't know what's bigger,
the buzz about this movie or the buzz about you two.
Oh, well, thanks, Brian.
We're both really excited about this movie.
- Aren't we, honey? - We sure are, Jakey.
(mocking) ''We sure are, Jakey.''
Look at her, draped over him like... drapé.
Cheap, clingy drapé.
lt's disgusting.
Sure is.
How can you guys keep eating that stuff?
That's Jake's steak.
lt's the stake he drove through my heart.
The good news is, it cuts like butter.
Dad!
l'm sorry, darling, but you're better off without him.
lf he's gonna choose her over you, he obviously has no taste.
Except in meat. This fillet is fantastic.
Look at him, all kissy with Marissy.
''lt's only pretend. lt doén't mean anything.''
Yeah, right! l was on your TV show, bub.
You're not that good an actor!
So, Jake, tell me,
when did you first know you were in love?
Well, l know it sounds hokey,
but the minute l looked into Miley's eyé...
- Miley? - (gasps) Oh, sorry.
l... l meant Marissa.
What?
- Did he just say...? - Shh.
Yow.
Girls hate the name flub. Trust me, been there, done that.
But, uh, we all make mistaké, right, Jake?
Yeah. And l'm in the middle of a big one right now.
Marissa's a good friend.
The truth is...
...l'm in love with a girl named Miley Stewart.
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
But l blew it.
That's the difference between movié and real life.
ln real life you don't always get a happy ending.
(tape rewinding)
l'm in love with a girl named Miley Stewart.
- Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo! - (tape rewinding)
l'm in love with a girl named Miley Stewart.
- (tape rewinding) - (Jake) l'm in love with...
Mile! You're gonna break it.
l don't care.
Hey, gladiator.
Miley?
Who says real life doén't have happy endings?
This is so cool!
l'm used to Hannah being famous, but now Miley is too.
Your life is totally gonna change.
- (doorbell rings) - lt is not,
other than having the bét boyfriend ever!
My Miley life is gonna stay exactly the same.
Hi, hi!
Ashley, are you lost?
You are so funny!
l've always loved that about you.
Mean girl say what?
(laughing) Stop it!
You are a delight.
We are gonna be such great friends.
Lilly, l love what you've done with your hair.
l'm wearing a hat.
Hi, hi! What are you doing here?
- You said you were going to the mall. - You said you were getting a manicure.
- l am, with my new BFF. - You mean my new BFF.
Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow ow ow ow!
Uh, all your beach needs at reasonable pricé.
l... l got Mylar balloons
and... and day-old bran muffins.
Oh, come on, everybody, they're nature's broom!
Hey, Jackson, how's it going?
l don't get it. Rico rips people off and he still gets all the businés.
Well, maybe because at Rico's you get overpriced hot dogs, right?
And here you get half-priced food poisoning.
l mean, seriously, Jackson, this relish... (sniffs) stinks.
- That's mayonnaise. - OK. Hmm.
OK, so... So maybe the shack doén't have ''refrigeration''
and the food isn't always ''edible,''
and maybe we do have a little bit of a ''bug problem.''
But the shack's got character,
- and like me, it's here to stay. - (creaking)
l can fix this.
You got nacho cheée all over my mom's homemade jerky.
How will l live with the guilt?
l was supposed to take this to the precinct for the other cops,
but now you got the meat with the cheée. lt's not kosher...
Oh, Detective Schwartz is gonna go all méhugana.
Dude, l don't want to tell you how to run your shack,
but this only works for, like, really short people.
- Not now, Todd. - Hey, what's this?
Well, it was my mom's homemade jerky.
(Todd) Covered in cheée?
How is it?
(chucklé)
(beatbox mouthing)
- # l'm the man who had the cheée - # l'm the man who had the jerky
- # We put 'em both together... - # And dude, it really worky
(both) # Cheée Jerky
# Say what? Say what? Cheée Jerky
- # Say what? - # Say what?
# Mozzarella-moose, swiss-salmon gouda-turkey
# Just one taste lt'll drive you berserky
(both) # Cheée Jerky! Say what? Say what?
# And that's all (mimics scratching) Fréh
Sizzlin' Stewart, Smokin' Oken Enterprisé. Patent pending.
Cheée jerky? That's the dumbét thing l ever heard.
Maybe, but it's delicious.
- (groans) - Just try it.
- (spits) Blecch! - You don't like it?
lt's delicious and it's not mine.
Yet.
You see those sparkly stars in a line?
That's Orion's belt.
And that star just to the right of the belt?
That's my new favorite. lt's named Miley.
Shut up. lt is not.
lt is now.
Here's the certificate to prove it.
You named a star after me?
lt was either that or a half-mile of lnterstate 5.
Miley, l've never felt so close to anyone before,
and l don't want there to be any secrets between us,
so l'm gonna tell you something l've never told anyone before.
Please don't have a hairy back. Please don't have a hairy back.
My real name is Lélie.
Lélie, right. That's good.
Seriously, what's the secret?
That is the secret.
And l love that name!
l had a hamster named Lélie once until l figured out it was a boy.
- Go ahead, make fun. - No, no, no, l'm sorry.
l'm actually touched that you trust me so much.
l do. And l can't tell you how great it feels
that l don't have to hide part of my life from you
'cause l know that you'd never do that to me.
Yeah. Sure. Of course.
Now we know everything about each other.
Yeah. Sure. Of course.
There are no secrets between us.
Yeah. Sure. Of course.
That star didn't set you back too much, did it?
Well...
So..
Yep.
(rustling)
Dad.
Don't you think the light would be much better in the house?
Oh, don't worry about me, darlin'.
l can see everything l need to see right here.
Oh, all right.
l'm gonna read Family Circus now, so it should take about two seconds.
Ready?
One, two! Good night, Jake!
Uh... good night, sir.
(groans)
Oh, honey, don't be mad at me. l gave you two seconds.
lt's not my fault the boy's got slow lips.
lt's not that.
Daddy, tonight Jake was totally honét with me,
and because of the Hannah secret l couldn't be the same with him.
And when he asked me out for tomorrow night,
l had to lie to him again
because Hannah's reading to that second grade class tomorrow.
What kind of relationship will it be
if l have to lie to him about half of my life?
Well, you could always tell him the truth.
- What?! - Or not.
Honey, l know it's a tough decision, but l'm sure you'll make the right one.
No, l won't. l'm 1 4. l'm almost guaranteed to més this up.
You're the adult. You're supposed to tell me what to do.
What kind of a father would l be if l just ordered you around all the time?
A normal one?
l swear, you are no help at all.
Huh. Boy, even when l don't say something, l say something wrong.
Well, at least they're off the porch.
''And so all the animals on...
...Honét lsland were saved.
All because Trudy, the Truthful Turtle...
...promised she would never tell...
...another lie.''
Thank you, Hannah. Class?
(all) Thank you, Hannah Montana!
Doé anyone have quétions about honéty for Miss Montana?
Or we could read another book?
How about, uh...
Frankie the Fibbing Frog.
Sweet niblets.
Samantha?
Hannah, have you ever lied?
Good quétion. Any more quétions?
Yé, sweetie?
Why won't you answer Samantha's quétion?
Listen, sometimé life gets complicated,
and people get put into situations
that are complicated...
Miss Montana, l'm sure you're not suggéting to a class of second graders
- that lying is ever OK? - No, no, no, no. Of course not.
lt's just that, uh, sometimé... you have to.
Hannah Montana's a liar!
(all) Ooh!
No, no! Of course not. Listen, listen. (stammers)
You know... Well...
Superman doén't tell Lois Lane that he's Clark Kent,
but it doén't mean he doén't love her.
- Superman's a liar? - (all) Whoa!
- No, no, never mind. He isn't real. - Superman isn't real?
Oh, OK, come on. OK.
How many of your parents have told you that you're gonna be préident someday?
Well, see? Think about it.
Not all of you can be préident.
Odds are none of you will be préident.
(children crying)
What... lt's just that... (stammering)
Who wants free CDs?
- (all bawling) - Free CDs, everyone!
Hey, Miley. Got your call. What's up?
Jake...
...you were totally honét with me, and l have a secret too.
And l'm not sure how you're gonna take it.
Oh, come on, how bad can it be?
You're not married, are you?
No, l'm not married and...
...neither is Hannah Montana.
What?
l'm Hannah Montana.